August 24, 2009
The Kid Whisperer
Discipline your brats
Vicki Rodenberg De Gruy, Chairman of the Chow Chow Club Inc.'s Welfare Committee
WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE?
Have you ever thought of your family as a pack of dogs?
Father as the strong, but loving, pack leader -- stay-at-home mom acting as a strong second in command -- with the kids knowing they are just a member of the pack?
Offended? -- Well you should not be, especially if you are a dog lover!!!
Think of a (formerly) typical family which fits this model and you will likely find well-adjusted kids, where children learn leadership skills from their leader.
Think of a typical family of today -- without a father, but with a working mother -- and, instead of well-adjusted kids, you will most likely find the kids are a mess!
The kids will be growling and snarling at the mother and later in a dog fight with their siblings.
They will either be insecure with their tail between their legs or hiding their insecurity with lots of barking to exhibit a macho bravado.
The kids are trying to be the pack leader they have missing in their life, and do not have a clue how to do it, because they have never had a role model to show them how to lead.
The Dog Whisperer
National Geographic has an Emmy award winning program called The Dog Whisperer
In each episode, Caesar Millan works miracles helping teach dog owners how to manage a misbehaving dog.
And every time I watch it, I ask myself, "And why would this not work with children as well?"
Why is there not a program by the name The Kid Whisperer
Americans have become obsessive-compulsive about equality.
First we wanted to give the blacks freedom then citizenship and the vote. This was looked upon as a great achievement in the advancement of our society.
(Except they show absolutely no appreciation for this outside a few such as Walter Williams and Thomas Sowell, as they stand 99.999% behind their black President.)
And as things go, we then started obsessing over this equality thing.
We gave our women the right to vote, establishing them as equals, even though they had been represented by their husband's vote.
We gave 18-year old children the right to vote, establishing them as equals, even though they were still "wet-behind-the-ears" as they were looking ahead to 4 more years of school, having never yet held a real job, having never had a real family to support or having never paid real taxes.
In the end, our wives, our children and even our pets are all now treated as equals.
And we need to break ourselves of this affliction.
Dogs have instincts
Per Caesar Millan, a dog automatically wants to be submissive. After all, a pack can only have one leader.
He then continues by stating that if you are not asserting myself as the pack leader, then a dog instinctively knows that the pack is in serious trouble.
Without leadership, the pack will not survive, so your dog manly steps up to the plate and asserts himself as the pack leader.
This is where the problems occur for not only dogs, but for children and wives.
The Myth of a Democratic Marriage
A man cannot establish a democracy with his wife, because there are only two votes with only two outcomes -- agreement or disagreement.
You can negotiate, discuss, compromise, or pray over the issue being voted on, but in the end, there is still only two outcomes -- agreement or disagreement.
Agreement is no problem, but disagreement is a stalemate with no solution in a Democracy.
Hence, a marriage automatically requires a leader.
Tens of thousands of years have established the woman in the submissive role to the bigger, stronger man in the dominant role.
If men do not assume the dominant role, their marriage is doomed. (Unless, he prefers to be the submissive one.)
Most good marriages probably find that their marriage has boundaries where the man is dominant, such as driving the car and fixing the car, and areas where they have agreed for the woman to be dominant, such as dressing the children and preparing dinner.
But dogs who can lead any other dog than the pack leader will establish himself as the second in command if allowed.
Hence for dogs as well as for children, the hierarchy needs to be established that the husband is the pack leader and the wife is the second in command.
Children, then dogs come lower in the pack.
Cute adorable temper tantrums
Caesar Millan tells us that the smaller and cuter the dog, the more we let them be the alpha dog.
When our little dogs growl at us, we are not threatened and may even believe it cute.
But make no mistake, the cute little pumpkin believes he is commanding you, not you commanding him.
So too with our children.
The cute little girl or boy who viciously lashes out is trying to establish pack dog leadership over you.
While young and small, we are not afraid.
But how many single-mothers become fearful of their children when they grow into their teenage years?
I was raised in the "Spare the rod, spoil the child" era.
Today, America has evolved the exact opposite beliefs, "Use the rod, break the child's self esteem".
In the raising of my own children, my wife and I have instinctively used Caesar Millan middle-of-the-road dog training approach.
Caesar never gets angry and reach for the rod; neither does he allow bad behavior.
Caesar uses a loving but firm leadership correction approach which immediately straightens up a dog and leaves the child physiologist owner gasping in awe.
I have to say as a proud father, that my wife has done a wonderful job dong this method.
Quantity time not quality time
One of the modern day dilemmas is the dual parent / dual income family or the single income / single parent.
Each of these justify their actions by believing that what children need is "quality time" not "quantity time".
Of course, this is a complete lie.
For a dog, there is no amount of loving and hugging after coming home, which can make up for abandoning them for 10 hours.
Dogs are a very social animal who always want to be around their pack.
Children is a little different because they are given over to strangers at day care centers for those 10 hours a day.
The quality time child receive though is not usually appreciated as much as the parents would hope.
The fact is that, their pack leaders are not leading them and they know it.
You can read further at The Problem
You can read further at The Solution
Article located at: