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November 2015 AD

The Martian 

White Man's

a Burdon

Sure white man astronaut Mark Watney  (Matt Damon) used poop to make potatoes, so he could live long enough to make more poop.

White guy Watney rhymes with Botany, which is what he does for a living, so growing potatoes was a cinch for him.

And sure white guy Matt Damon souped up the Martian Rover to get him a distance we ordinarily drive on a weekend vacation.

But the real action in this movie was the zoo of characters, other than white guys, this white man Watney depended upon to save his poop-producing tail-end.

         Director of NASA Sanders, played by Dumb and Dumber Jeff Daniels, is of course a dumb white guy and therefore, is too dumb to know how to save Watney's pooping rear. So much for the only two white guys in the movie with any parts to play.


         Well, there was the flight director of Ares III, Mitch Henderson, played by Ned Stark of Game of Thrones; otherwise known in the real world as Sean Bean. He too was worthless in getting anything really accomplished in saving Watney, other than letting NASA director Sanders know he was inept, as in botching a resupply mission by cutting out all the quality checks. Would it surprise you to learn that neither of these two white guy managers in NASA has learned the Japanese system of designing and building quality into the product so that no quality checks are needed. The resupply ship blows up.


         Spaceship commander Lewis, of course, was a woman. Naturally, under her leadership, she is completely innocent of leaving Watney.  So the part this glass breaking woman commander plays is making the important decisions on leaving Watney and returning later to save Watney.


         The spacecraft pilot would then be an Hispanic played by Michael Pena, the next Erik Estrada on a resurrected movie version of CHiPs, who figures out a way to use boosters to keep the MAV (Mars Assent Vehicle) upright during a storm they are trying to escape.


         The NASA director of media relations was Annie Montrose, placed by a woman, being Kristen Wiig of Saturday Night Live fame.  All I could think of while she was there was that her character I learned of her with was really stupid, and in The Martian, she just stood there looking stupid.


         Engineer Mindy Park (Mackenzie Davis) is a woman because, everyone knows NASA is filled with women engineers. She is the one who discovered Watney alive, and she keeps track of him from then on.


         Engineer Vincent Kapoor, played by Chiwetel Ejiofor, was our necessary man from India. Because Indians love communications don’t you know, he is the one who communicates in hexadecimal characters with Watney. We will ignore the fact that the white guy Watney figures out how to communicate that way. Just a flaw in the script I’m sure they overlooked.


         Every serious sci-fi movie of any respect, needs a representative from the inner city doper black crowd, in the character of Astrodynamicist Rich Purnell played by Donald Glover, who in his spare time from doping and mopping, runs supercomputer calculations of astrophysics trajectories, after being the only smart man in the bunch to figure out that the only existing spaceship of any option to actually save our hopeless and abandoned white guy is the only spaceship currently in space.


         To get home, Female commander Lewis turns to female astronaut Beth Johanssen (Kate Mara) to figure a way to rewrite the spaceship’s computer code so that NASA cannot override their rescue attempt.  No white men needed here other than insuring that white man NASA director Sanders cannot stop them.


         Our abandoned American white guy could not dream of getting home without our former worst enemy Communist China, now trusted trading partner. So the Chinese are enlisted to help this white man get home, by graciously donating one of their valuable space ships. (And of course , they didn’t steal a bit of that technology from white engineers in America)

All in all, the historic "White Man's Burden" is now "The White Man is a Burden".

Per Jewish produced and directed film, trying to appease all audiences for the big dollar will be the excuse, has once again left out any contributions of white (Christian) men to the advancement of civilization. 

Have to be careful, because White Jewish men think civilization starts and ends with them.

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(rhymes with Botany, which is what he does (rhymes with Botany, which is what he does (rhymes with Botany, which is what he does (rhymes with Botany, which is what he does
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The Christian Solution             First Release: March 15, 2008